Ever wonder if others really understand the thoughts and ideas you are
trying to communicate to them? Do you find yourself walking away from
meetings, phone calls and conversations feeling like you've been
entirely misunderstood? The steps in this article will help you evaluate
and improve your communication skills.
Steps
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1
Hear the responses listeners give you. If your
audience (be it one person or many) tells you they don't understand what
you are saying, hear them. Many a good point is lost on listeners when a
speaker refuses to stop pressing on with their speech to clarify a
point they've made. Stop and clarify what you are saying even if it
means it'll take longer to make your point(s).
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2
Don't take yourself, or your ideas, too seriously. If
feeling "misunderstood" defines your life-long interaction with others,
that's not a communication problem. It's probably an emotional and
psychological problem.
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3
Make sure you aren't equating agreement with understanding.
Humans understand an amazing amount of stuff, but they don't
necessarily agree with what they see and hear. Communication is about
the expression of ideas and thoughts, not gaining acceptance and
agreement with every assertion made.
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4
Be clear and concise. You may have a million thoughts
spinning through your mind as you communicate with others, but it is
best to limit your expression of thought to one or two (related) things
at a time. Attempts to de-clutter your head by talking to someone
(unless you warn them first) will likely result in muddled
communication. If your audience shows signs of being confused,
frustrated, or inattentive, you may be drifting and need to stop talking
and gather your thoughts before proceeding. Remember, the more you pack
into a communication session, the less people will remember of it
without prompting.
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5
Speak clearly. If the words you speak are garbled,
your grammar is poor and you speak too loudly or too softly, your
communication is negatively affected. Practice reading into a recorder
and listening to yourself talk to find the pitch and volume necessary
for people to hear you easily, and refine your cadence and enunciation
of words. There are many education websites, online, that offer help in
grammar and phonics; take a few minutes each day to brush up on your
skills.
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6
Remain calm. The more agitated you become while
speaking or writing, the more difficult it is for you to clearly
communicate your thoughts. If your voice rises and quakes, your listener
will be distracted from what you are saying and retain little of it. If
you find anxiety kicking in while you are speaking, stop for a moment,
take a deep breath and let it out fully, then try again; no doubt your
listener has been in your shoes and they'll be patient until you're
ready to go on speaking.
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7
Respect the viewpoint of others. If you want to be a
good communicator, you must learn to accept the strongly held views of
others. People are not mentally weak, morally bankrupt, or inherently
evil, merely because they disagree with the ideas you feel very strongly
about. If you conclude arguments with others by saying "Well, you must
be stupid" or "You're just scared" you've succumbed to the temptation to
bully others, rather than keeping good perspective and allowing for
dissent. To communicate more effectively, try playing devil's advocate
with yourself over your most strongly held philosophical beliefs; bully
yourself into seeing the opposing viewpoint.
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8
Ask your co-workers and friends if they see you as an effective communicator; better yet, ask your boss.
Those with whom you speak regularly can best tell you how well you
relate to others, including people you don't particularly care for. Ask
them if you tend to bully others. Ask if you most often persuade them to
agree with, or inform them of your opinions. Ask them if they believe
you are honest in your communication. And finally, ask them if they
consider you trustworthy or in need of a major character overhaul.
Warnings
- Inaccurate, but effective communication is possible. Make sure you've got your facts right before you communicate with others.
- Dishonest communication (lying) has far-reaching consequences that
cannot always be anticipated or negated, so even if you believe you are a
talented fraud, keep your communication with others on the up-and-up.
6Remain calm. The more agitated you become while speaking or writing, the more difficult it is for you to clearly communicate your thoughts. If your voice rises and quakes, your listener will be distracted from what you are saying and retain little of it. If you find anxiety kicking in while you are speaking, stop for a moment, take a deep breath and let it out fully, then try again; no doubt your listener has been in your shoes and they'll be patient until you're ready to go on speaking.
