If you're feeling stuck in a perpetual childhood, learning to shake
yourself out of your routine can help get you on the fast-track to
adulthood. Being a grown up is more than an age and more than an
attitude. The more you learn about yourself and learn to identify your
own tendencies, the closer to grown up you'll be. Learn to prepare for
the future, get your kicks in your late teens, and approach adulthood
with grace and dignity. See Step 1 for more information.
Part 1 of 3: Discovering Yourself
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1
Throw yourself into your talents. What makes you unique? What makes you
you?
Use your late teenage years and early 20s to start becoming more and
more like the adult version of yourself. Your interests, talents, and
skills will give you some sense of who you will become, so it's
important to take your mid-to-late teenage years to explore those
talents and dream your biggest dreams. What do you want to be? Who do
you want to be? Explore yourself.
- Use these years to play in bands, play sports, act in drama, paint,
and read for pleasure. Explore things for which you have natural skills,
as well as things you know nothing about. Try new hobbies and
activities that are available, like photography or dance. You might
learn that you're really great at something you never gave yourself
credit for.
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2
Start thinking about where you'll be in 10 years.
While you don't need to plan out your whole life in your early twenties,
it's important to start giving some thought to what you want to do with
the rest of your life. Do you want to go to college? Are you studying
what you want to study and providing yourself a plan for the future? Do
you want to start making money as soon as possible? Are you going to
take your band on tour and live like a rock star? Are you going to
travel? Make a list of your priorities and the things you want to make
sure to accomplish in your young adulthood and start taking the steps to
make them happen.
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If you're interested in going to college, start researching
possibilities, and thinking about what you'd like to study. Find local
universities and colleges that might be a good fit, and find colleges
that would be dream schools. Find out about how much it will cost, how
much your family will be able to afford, how much you'll need to reserve
with student loans, and the different cost breakdowns for different
schools.
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If you want to start working, spend time developing a budget for
yourself, setting financial goals, and learning what kinds of jobs will
be available to you to make the kind of money you'll need. Research the
training and vocational skills you'll need for those types of jobs so
you can start preparing now.
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3
See new places and embrace new experiences. In the
interest of expanding your mind and learning more about the ways
different people live in your world, it's important to see it up front
and in person. Make it a priority to visit other places and spend time
in other cultures as you enter adulthood. It can be a moving and
significant experience for many young adults.
- Traveling doesn't need to be a leisure activity for the privileged.
If you work hard and can't afford to take a vacation to Italy, or study
abroad, travel as best you can within your means. Visit interesting
places in your own country that you've never seen. Visit neighborhoods
within your own city that you don't spend time in. Be a tourist in your
town.
- World-Wide Opportunities on Organic Farms (WWOOF) takes on willing
laborers in a variety of countries throughout the world, giving you a
chance to work your way across the world. Likewise, the Peace Corps,
Americorps, or other humanitarian organizations provide service and
travel experience. Help out, give back, and see new places.
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4
Befriend a diversity of people you respect.
Give yourself a chance to socialize with as many different kinds of
people as you can. Learn about yourself from spending time with
hard-working and admirable people, and model your behaviors on people
you respect. Maintain healthy relationships and you'll maintain your own
sanity.
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Find a work role model. At your job, find a person who negotiates
the work environment in a way that you admire. Learn from them. If your
colleague stays above the petty department politics, but still manages
to let her work speak for itself, do the same. Collaborate and
commiserate.
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Find a life role model. As you grow older, it's easy to lose
touch with old friends and to not make new friends. It's easy to wake up
one day and realize the people you see every day are coworkers. Keep
friends that do very different things than you, with whom you share
mutual interests or hobbies. Maybe your record collecting buddy works
HVAC, but that doesn't mean you can't relate to each other over the new
crate-digging finds you made last weekend.
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5
Be honest with yourself. As you get older, you'll
gradually get to know yourself better. If you tend toward laziness, or
tend to sweat the small stuff, or tend to procrastinate, these things
shouldn't be a surprise by the time you reach your twenties and get
ready to enter the work force. A teenager can get away with ignoring
these things and calling it "youth." But an adult needs to get real and
be honest about shortcomings, challenges, and places for growth. Growing
up takes work.
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Identify your strengths. What are you particularly good at, or
skilled in? Take time to identify your personal strengths and the things
you're proud of.
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Identify your weaknesses. What needs some work? What keeps you
from getting what you want? It's important to identify places in need of
improvement, fixing up the foundation to keep the house of yourself
strong.
Part 2 of 3: Acting Mature
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1
Learn to recognize your "child mode" and control it.
There's no adulthood button, so there's no clean break between childhood
and adulthood. But growing up doesn't mean that you have to abandon
your youth entirely, it just means that you have to control your
childhood tendencies and learn to harness that youthful energy into more
mature goals and ambitions. Recognize your childlike tendencies so you
can use them to your advantage.
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Child mode is chaotic. A child is disorganized, unprepared, and
usually running a million miles an hour in the wrong direction.
Childhood is chaos. While many adult lives are busy and full, chaos–the
lack of control or structure for that stress and business–is a sure sign
of child mode. Identify the parts of your life that are chaotic and
channel your energy into organizing them.
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Child mode is helpless. Someone needs to tie a child's shoes,
feed the child, and offer emotional support. An adult is more
self-reliant, capable of raising their own children because of an
increasing degree of selflessness. As you grow up, work to become more
capable of doing things yourself, and rely less on others.
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Child mode is resentful. In child mode, you may grow to seethe in
anger when another coworker gets a promotion and you don't, or when an
old fling from high school gets married. Resent is the child mode
equivalent of a temper tantrum. If you don't get your way, you can bury
that frustration and let it grow into resentment and anger, like a child
does, or you can express your frustration in a healthy way, reckon with
the situation, and move on.
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2
Learn to say no. Teenagers are impulsive. Teenagers
say yes to another drink, a long night out, and blowing off work the
next day to go on a road trip. Becoming an adult means that you need to
learn to draw your own boundaries, pull back from the mentality of your
youth, and stand up for yourself. If your friends are going to a music
festival, but you're worried you won't be able to take off work, you've
got to learn to say no. Being responsible sometimes means saying no.
- The more you emphasize your long term goals by making short-term
decisions that will move you in the right direction, the more grown-up
you'll be. Taking a day off work to play Halo with your college friend
might be attractive, but if you blow any chance you'll have of ever
getting a raise, you're actively keeping yourself from attaining your
goals, a sign of immaturity.
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3
Dress for your age. When you're going out, or
working, keep the cargo shorts and the novelty t-shirts in the drawer.
Men and women should wear clean professional clothes appropriate for the
occasion. You don't have to throw out your ratty old stuff–keep your
college gear safe for homecoming week and Saturdays to let yourself feel
young.
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4
Take care of your body. An adult can't eat Ramen and
macaroni and cheese with hot dogs for breakfast anymore. When you shut
the door on college, shut the door on your ways of eating and dressing.
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Exercise and eat responsibly.
The freshman 40 are no joke. When kids run off to college, it's a
regular thing to stop playing sports and start eating whatever you want,
all the time. The weight goes on and it can be very difficult to shake
the habit of bad eating and no exercise. Don't let the freshman 40 turn
into a yearly thing.
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5
Deal with set-backs like an adult. Children fuss when
they don't get their way. Teenagers sulk. Adults take responsibility
for their actions, deal with set-backs, and move forward. Becoming an
adult means learning to deal with failure and learning to persevere in
spite of it. You can't crumble when something doesn't go the way you
want or expect it to.
- A hard truth about the world: just because you deserve something
does not mean that you'll get it. Keep your goals in sight, stay happy,
and do not let the unfairness of life demoralize you. Life is hard and
everyone else has had to overcome obstacles, yourself included.[1]
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6
Form and maintain long-lasting relationships. Many
relationships during your youth revolve around circumstances: you're
friends with the people you go to school with, the people you work with,
the people you know. When you become an adult, though, it's common to
move around, to leave old friends behind and form new ones. It can be
difficult to know what relationships are long-term and what are
circumstantial. Differentiate between them, and take active steps to
maintain the relationships you want to keep. Stay in touch, visit, and
stay invested in your good friends' lives.
[2]
- As you enter adulthood, it's common to have longer-term romantic
relationships as well. If you're more keen on dating and playing the
field, try to settle in for a couple months to see if you don't feel
more comfortable. If you tend toward the long-term, don't be afraid to
end relationships that have grown stale, just because you like the
security. Know yourself.
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7
Deepen your empathy skills. Meet new people, learn
about their lives, and try to understand other perspectives about the
world. Take active steps to deepen your understanding of people very
different than yourself. Teenagers often think of themselves as
open-minded in comparison to their parents, only to realize later in
their 20s that they grew up with long-held assumptions based on class,
race, gender, and other factors. Becoming an adult means learning to
understand and empathize with others.
- Hang around people much older than you and learn everything you can
from them. Teenagers often sneer at people over 30, but adults know
wisdom when they see it. At work, in your community, and in other social
interactions, make it a priority to seek out members of the generations
previous to yours and try to get some of their wisdom to rub off. Pal
up to the employee who's been at your job the longest, or the member of
your church who's the oldest.
- Read widely and variously to learn about other perspectives. Read a
variety of political ideologies before committing yourself too closely
and identifying with one.
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8
Be reliable. The words of an adult need to be backed
up by actions. If you say you'll do something, do it. Maintaining
relationships, jobs, and moving forward in the world will be difficult
if you're not seen as a reliable person. Teenagers and kids can get away
with messing up all the time—they're kids! But adults need to act like
adults. People need to know they can rely on you.
- Always treat friends, family, and coworkers with respect. Treat
people the way you want to be treated. If you don't have respect for
others, they will most likely lose the respect they have for you. It may
not always come back to you but you will get a lot farther in life and
be much happier.
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9
Party responsibly. As you get older, those hangovers
you used to glide right over at 21 start to get longer and longer. The
body gets less durable. Also, what may seem like good-natured mischief
and debauchery when you're in college can start to seem desperate
addictive behavior when you're pushing 30. When your day starts to
revolve around partying, and when you've got to call off work because
you're too partied out, it's time to grow up.
- All things in moderation. Getting older doesn't mean you can't have
fun, it just means you've got to plan it out a little more. Get a
sitter, clear out your schedule for the next day, and show the young
kids how it's done.
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10
Be open and non-defensive. An adult is confident and
emotionally mature to such a degree that knee-jerk defensive reactions
become unnecessary. Don't make excuses when your boss tells you that
your work hasn't been up to snuff, or when your partner remarks on your
self-heigene as of late. Take it with a grain of salt.
- Being non-defensive doesn't mean you should avoid defending
yourself, or become a doormat for other peoples' aggression. Rather, an
emotionally mature person can receive good-natured negative criticism
without becoming defensive or indignant. Be open to being wrong, but
stand up for yourself when the time is right. Learning to distinguish is
part of growing up.
Part 3 of 3: Living Responsibly
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1
Get a job. Your first employment is an essential step
in growing up. Unless you're a trust-funder, you're going to need to
work as you enter adulthood. Some start working earlier, during high
school, while some wait until college or even after college, to start
working. There's no right time to start, but adjusting to employment is
an essential step in adulthood.
- A part-time job can be an excellent way of building necessary work
skills and making supplementary income, even if your parents are still
shouldering you financially. Gradually work toward a more self-reliant
way of making money, however.
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2
Budget your money. It might be tempting to blow your
first couple paychecks on a Gibson Les Paul and two tickets to Cabo, but
that's the way a teenager spends money. Put that money in the bank and
start saving it. Establish a balanced budget that will allow you to live
comfortably, taking into account necessary expenses for each month, as
well as savings and disposable income. Try to balance your financial
obligations in the here-and-now with taking necessary steps to reach
your long-term goals.
- Monthly expenses include rent, bills, and food. Most of them you'll
have a fairly solid idea about, and try to budget slightly more for food
than you may actually need. If you're not sure, keep close track of how
much money you spend in an average week on food, then multiply times
four.
- Try to save some money as soon as possible, if you can. Putting away
a certain percentage of your paycheck every month into a savings
account can start to accumulate significantly over the years and months.
Even if you can only afford to throw in 50 bucks, you're still taking a
necessary step toward adulthood.
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3
Pay your own bills in a timely manner. When you leave
your parents' house, it's possible to enter into a difficult in-between
time. It's very difficult to become completely financially independent
straight out of school, or during school, but you can start taking small
steps to work ever toward financial freedom and responsibility. Your
goal should be close budgeting, and relying on no one else for financial
aid.
- Good first steps are paying your own utilities bills and rent, then
trying to pick up your phone bill, your car payments, and other expenses
along the way. Slowly transition into taking care of yourself
financially.[3]
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4
Establish a good record of credit. Pay your bills on
time and starting taking advantage of manageable credit opportunities to
begin establishing a record of credit. Every time you sign a lease, put
your name on a utility bill, or make a timely credit card payment,
you're working to establish a credit record that will help you down the
road in taking out a loan to buy a house, or make other big purchases
and investments.
- Young people are often notoriously bad when it comes to using credit
cards. It's not free money. Don't run up a big bill on your credit card
and say that you'll worry about it later. Consider making regular
purchases with a credit card, if you qualify for one, and pay off the
balance immediately with money you already have. Treat a credit card
like a debit card to avoid getting in over your head.
- Make loan payments, bill payments, and other payments on time. Don't
waste money needlessly on late fees by setting up auto-debit functions
online for each of your monthly bills and keeping close records of your
budget.
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5
Start saving money. Put extra money into a savings
account and don't touch it just because you can. It's easy to find a
reason to throw your extra money away on a new-model Dodge Challenger,
but consider your long term financial goals and keep that money in the
bank.
- When you can, it's a good idea to start a 401k and begin saving for
retirement. Most businesses help their employees start to save money for
retirement by providing the opportunity to start a savings account in
which you can put money before taxes, which the company will then match a
certain percentage of, in addition.
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6
Live within your means. Simply put: buy things that
you can afford, and plan out how you'll pay for them before you make the
purchase. Don't put things on credit if you're not sure how quickly
you'll be able to pay off the debt, and don't rack up huge debts when
you're only making the minimum monthly payment each month with your
credit card.
- It's hard to do things like buy a house, pay college tuition, or
make big automotive purchases strictly on a cash basis, so it'll be
likely that you'll end up with some amount of loan debt at some point in
your life. Speak with a financial advisor to learn which option and
interest rate works best for you, and work with them to get the smartest
package for your financial situation.
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Consolidate your debt,
if you can. Paying multiple loan payments each month can get confusing
and frustrating, especially if you're not putting enough toward paying
down the principal, drawing out the process.
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7
Be ambitious at work and take on new responsibilities.
As you grow older, a marker of maturity is your willingness to take on
new responsibilities and stand up for your work. Be ambitious.
- Volunteer for leadership roles at your job, if an opportunity
presents itself. Don't worry about whether or not you'll be the perfect
choice for a particular position.
- While you should cultivate an ambitious reputation at your job and
in your relationships, don't be afraid to turn down requests that don't
line up with your goals for yourself. Being ambitious doesn't mean
taking on everything that falls in your lap, but that you actively
create opportunities to advance toward your long-term goals.
Tips
- Maturity is not an age. Every one gets older but not every one becomes mature.
- Refrain from depending on others to define your goals for you. Life
is what you make it. Quit complaining, and realize that life is, indeed,
what you make it: you came into this world with nothing, you will leave
this world with nothing and everything in between is up to you.
- Growing up is not about defying your parents. They can still help you on your path to independence.
- You are the star witness to your own worth. If you believe that you
are worthwhile, people will take that into account. If you do not like
yourself, people will take that into account as well. If you don't like
who you are, do some real soul-searching to improve on those parts of
you that you know you want to or need to improve.
